May 11, 2017

*After school, Is usually has a snack and watches something on her iPad, then does her homework. Today, she’s watching a show called ‘The Annoying Orange.’ I don’t always let her watch this one, but today’s episode seemed harmless. I was wrong, of course. They’re telling jokes about Uranus and pooping… and this leads to questions…*

“Mommy. What’s funny about Uranus?”
“Well, it’s the name of a planet, U-R-A-N-U-S, but it’s also the proper name for the end of your large intestine, where the poop comes out, that’s your anus. A-N-U-S. So, it can be funny when you confuse them is a joke, see?”
“Oh. So Uranus is a planet?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm. Does it poop?”
“Uh…”

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March 13, 2017

*I’m cooking dinner, when…*

“Mommy, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Can you turn the clock to tomorrow and it’ll be tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, clocks only measure time, they don’t have anything to do with how time progresses. They just are helpful so you know what time it is… like I look at the clock so I know after an hour, it’s time to take the lid off the pot in the oven, and put the vegetables in, see? Or when we look at the clock every morning so we make sure you get to school on time. Time is what happens because the earth is always spinning.”

“But, what if I got a big rope to spin it faster?”

“That might work. Do you have a big rope?”

*Is goes running into the porch, where Dad is trying to finish his coffee…*

“Daddy! Can we go get a rope?”

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January 22, 2017

*Is climbs into bed with me this morning, complete with her new flamingo toy (okay, it’s really a squeaky dog toy, but she saw it at the pet store yesterday and flipped out, so now it’s hers) and a Valentine’s Day balloon. She’s tucked the flamingo in (Isobel is the Mommy) and is telling the flamingo a bedtime story. Apparently, my upcoming second hip replacement (scheduled for Valentine’s Day) is something Is has been thinking about…*

“Okay, this story is called, ‘The Aliens of Harmony.’  Once upon a time, Mom wanted to go to outer space, and the doctor said ‘wait ’til you get your new hip on Valentine’s Day,’ and she said okay and then she got in the rocket ship and blasted off into space. And then the aliens did some bad thing to Mom, but we’ll find out next time what that is.”

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January 16, 2017

*After her swimming lesson at the gym today, I’m drying Isobel’s hair in the changing room. She turns and wiggles her loose tooth (her first!!!! OMFG!) at me, and points out the new space between her teeth. As she’s doing this, a woman who’s already changed and on her way out, walks by us, overhears our tooth conversation, and says..*

“Wow! I wonder what the Tooth Fairy brings these days?”

*Is turns to me and shrugs, then back to the woman and says…*

“I’m not sure, it’s my first loose tooth.”

“Well, when I was a kid, I think we got a quarter or something like that.”

*We briefly discuss inflation and its possible affect on the Tooth Fairy’s current payout plan. After the woman leaves, Is turns to me and says…*

“Mommy. That lady believes in the Tooth Fairy.”

“Seems like it. That’s pretty nice.”

(Looking around, concern apparent on her face) “She didn’t hear me, right?”

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January 12, 2017 (after school)

*We’ve been having some toilet issues in the house lately. It’s an older home, built in 1957, so the plumbing, while original copper, is still old and has taken quite a beating over the years. Isobel is afraid of flushing the toilet in the blue bathroom, because one time it backed up and overflowed. Right now, the toilet in the pink bathroom is taken apart, because it was leaking from the tank, so it’s in pieces on the floor ’til the plumber can come and fix it (and the ceiling in the basement, but that’s another project). Because the pink toilet is currently taken apart, the top is off the tank, and you can see the float and valve and stuff inside. She’s referring to the float, which looks just like a clown’s horn bulb! This kid notices EVERYTHING.

Today, I’m in the blue bathroom with Isobel, when a car horn beeps outside…*

“Mommy! What was that noise???”

“What? What do you think it was?”

“The toilet.”

“The toilet? No, it was a car horn, baby. Toilets don’t have horns.”

“Yes they do! I’ve seen it inside!”

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January 2, 2017

*Isobel nearly always comes in to draw on the big mirror in the bathroom while I’m taking a shower. Today was no exception- she drew a monster with a huge V on top of its head. It had three faces, and each face showed a big, happy smile. She held up three fingers and said…*

“This is how much faces the monster has!”
“He’s adorable! They’re all smiley. And it’s how many, not how much.””Oh, right, how many. Okay.”

“Right. Remember, much is if you can’t count something, and many if is you CAN count… like, how many fingers, or how much air…” I swing my hand around in the air, making figure eights.

“But, Mommy, you can count everything. Because it’s molecules.”

“Huh. Well, you got me there, kid. You’re right. But let’s say you don’t have the technology handy, such an electron microscope, right then to count something like air, so you’d say how much. Okay?”

“Okay. You still like my monster?”
“Very much.”

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August 29,2016

*Is and I are discussing watching the third Harry Potter movie when we haven’t finished reading the book yet.*

“Look, you gotta read the book first, before you see the movie.”
“Why?”
“Well, there’s so much more to the book, if you don’t read it first, you miss some stuff the movie might refer to… and the movies are never, ever as good as the books.”
“Oh. So, do the Hebrew people do it different?”

*At this I stop loading the dishwasher and look up. Holy shit, this kid is so quick, I thought. Back when she started to learn to read, she often wanted to turn the book over and start from the other way (maybe because she’s left handed?)… I had to explain many times the books always open the same way, and then I told her, ‘oh, I guess Hebrew books go this way, they open like this and read in this direction, but not English. It’s a different language. Like Chinese, you read that from top to bottom.’ But I think we only talked about that one time…*

“Oh, no, Jewish people, not Hebrew people, and Hebrew is the language. Those are the books you read the other way, is that what you mean?”
“Yeah! Do they watch the movie first?”
“No. They read the book first, too.”

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December 14, 2015

*Is crab walks in this morning, slapping her feet hard on the floor.*

“Mommy! Daddy! Pretend I’m a dragon, slapping fire!”
“Okay! AAAAAGHHHH! There’s a fire-slapping dragon in here!”
“Now, I’m bed proof.”
“Uh, what’s that mean?”

**She jumps on the bed.**

“Are you a cuddly dragon, Is?”
“Yes. Oh! Can I be a dragon puppy?”
“Absolutely.”

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November 4, 2014

*After voting, Is and I are on the way to school. I drive past a pink toilet, set out on the curb in the trash.*

“Mommy, what’s that toilet doing outside?”
“It looks like they’re throwing it away.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know… maybe they’re renovating the bathroom, or maybe it’s broken.”
“How did they get it off the floor?”
“That’s a good question, Is! It’s bolted down, so they just lift the little caps and unbolt it. They have to drain the water out first. Then, they can just lift it up. I’ll show you the bolts when we get home.”
“Oh. Can a girl do that?”
“Sure, why not? If she knows how, and if she’s strong enough, then she can totally do it.”
“Can she carry it outside? That heavy toilet?”
“Yes. Of course she can. She just needs to be strong enough to lift it.”
“Mommy… I can do that! I’m strong!”

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November 3, 2014

*While reading ‘The Cat in the Hat’ tonight…*

“Mommy, why are those Things doin’ that?”
“I don’t know, Is, let’s find out as we keep reading.”
“But, Mommy… why are they actin’ that way?”
“Let’s find out.”
“But the Mommy is out of the house.”
“That’s right.”
“Where did she go?”
“I don’t know, Is.”
“But… Mom… How could she go out and just leave them there all alone?”

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