May 11, 2017

*After school, Is usually has a snack and watches something on her iPad, then does her homework. Today, she’s watching a show called ‘The Annoying Orange.’ I don’t always let her watch this one, but today’s episode seemed harmless. I was wrong, of course. They’re telling jokes about Uranus and pooping… and this leads to questions…*

“Mommy. What’s funny about Uranus?”
“Well, it’s the name of a planet, U-R-A-N-U-S, but it’s also the proper name for the end of your large intestine, where the poop comes out, that’s your anus. A-N-U-S. So, it can be funny when you confuse them is a joke, see?”
“Oh. So Uranus is a planet?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm. Does it poop?”
“Uh…”

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April 25, 2017 (after a bath)

*Isobel wasn’t feeling well today- she had a stomachache and so stayed home from school. I gave her a bath after lunch, hoping it might make her feel better. She went to get dressed, and came back for me to finish drying her hair wearing a matching underwear set, a short royal blue fake fur sparkle vest, thigh high pink cheetah-print socks, and the gloves left over from her Blue Meanie Halloween costume. She was also wearing the pink beaded eyeglass chain she found at a yard sale this weekend, making her look like a tiny, eccentric librarian.*

“Hey, Is, how come you aren’t wearing pants?”

“Well… the pants fairy told me not to wear pants today.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay then, we don’t want to tussle with the pants fairy.”

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April 24, 2017

*Yesterday, I took Isobel to the park. She was happy she found a friend from school to play with for a while- they had to leave before we did, and so Is went on an ‘acorn hunt’, filling my pockets with acorns she found amid the wood chips. When we got home, she wanted to wash them, so I gave her a bowl and some water to work with while I started dinner. She wandered away for a bit, and when she came back, I noticed the bowl was full of suds.*

“Mom! I added soap to the acorns, so they’ll be really clean!”
“Uh…”
“Wasn’t that smart? These are probably the cleanest acorns in the whole world right now.”
“Yep, pretty smart. And I bet you’re right. Well, let me know when you’re done and you can rinse them in this colander to get all the soap off.”
“Okay, Mommy…”

*She continues to work on the acorns for a bit, then we rinse them in the kitchen sink. Then she runs off and comes back with two hand towels, so she can dry them with one and then arrange them neatly on the other. I’m still cooking, so my back is to her as she works at the kitchen table. Then I hear the screen door opening.*

“Whatcha doin’, Is?”
“I’m throwing the acorns out for the squirrels!”
“The ones you just spent half an hour washing?”
“Yes! I wouldn’t want them to have to eat dirty acorns.”

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March 13, 2017

*I’m cooking dinner, when…*

“Mommy, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Can you turn the clock to tomorrow and it’ll be tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, clocks only measure time, they don’t have anything to do with how time progresses. They just are helpful so you know what time it is… like I look at the clock so I know after an hour, it’s time to take the lid off the pot in the oven, and put the vegetables in, see? Or when we look at the clock every morning so we make sure you get to school on time. Time is what happens because the earth is always spinning.”

“But, what if I got a big rope to spin it faster?”

“That might work. Do you have a big rope?”

*Is goes running into the porch, where Dad is trying to finish his coffee…*

“Daddy! Can we go get a rope?”

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March 12, 2017

*During dinner, Isobel explains the ‘Quiet Game’ to me…*

“Okay, Mommy, now, nobody talks, or makes any noise with their body, including your mouth, and whoever makes noise first loses. Okay?”

I signal that I understand. Silently. I’m already so good at this game!

Is continues to eat her dinner, looking up at me after every bite. I keep quiet… until she shakes her head and her hair brushes the plate of food…

“Is, watch your hair!”

“Hahaha, I win the Quiet Game! Mom, did you want to win?”

“Nah, I’m not really into winning.”

“Oh, are you into losing, then?”

“Haha! Uh, no, not really…”

“I’m super-duper into winning.”

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February 10, 2017 (first thing in the morning)

*Last night, past her bedtime, Isobel was beside herself- crying and upset over the possibility that she might have a bad dream. She just couldn’t settle herself and it was getting later and later. I tried to assure her that there was no reason to get upset; that if she had a bad dream she could handle it, that there was no real way to control what dreams you have, and then I gave her some suggestions of things to think about in case she did have a bad dream, so she would have something happy to put in her mind. But she was overtired, and there was no reasoning with her. When I had finally calmed her down and left her room, she fell asleep instantly.

First thing this morning, our alarms go off, Is bounces out of her room; on her way to the bathroom, she calls in to me…*

“Mommy, it was totally not worth crying and all last night. I slept and didn’t have any bad dreams!”

“Told you so.”

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February 1, 2017

*Is gets two or three pages of homework every day (except Fridays), and once a month the teachers send home a new Sight Words sheet. We put that sheet up on the fridge after we work on reading the words together. But after we do the words, Isobel and I take turns making up little stories that use all the words in order, the sillier the better. I like to start my stories with, ‘It was a dark and stormy night…’

Today, the first sight word was ‘she’. We didn’t get much further than that, because…*

“She was a dark and stormy night…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Isobel, that’s hilarious.”

“I’m not done, Mommy.”

“Dude, sorry. Please continue.”

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January 22, 2017

*Is climbs into bed with me this morning, complete with her new flamingo toy (okay, it’s really a squeaky dog toy, but she saw it at the pet store yesterday and flipped out, so now it’s hers) and a Valentine’s Day balloon. She’s tucked the flamingo in (Isobel is the Mommy) and is telling the flamingo a bedtime story. Apparently, my upcoming second hip replacement (scheduled for Valentine’s Day) is something Is has been thinking about…*

“Okay, this story is called, ‘The Aliens of Harmony.’  Once upon a time, Mom wanted to go to outer space, and the doctor said ‘wait ’til you get your new hip on Valentine’s Day,’ and she said okay and then she got in the rocket ship and blasted off into space. And then the aliens did some bad thing to Mom, but we’ll find out next time what that is.”

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January 16, 2017

*After her swimming lesson at the gym today, I’m drying Isobel’s hair in the changing room. She turns and wiggles her loose tooth (her first!!!! OMFG!) at me, and points out the new space between her teeth. As she’s doing this, a woman who’s already changed and on her way out, walks by us, overhears our tooth conversation, and says..*

“Wow! I wonder what the Tooth Fairy brings these days?”

*Is turns to me and shrugs, then back to the woman and says…*

“I’m not sure, it’s my first loose tooth.”

“Well, when I was a kid, I think we got a quarter or something like that.”

*We briefly discuss inflation and its possible affect on the Tooth Fairy’s current payout plan. After the woman leaves, Is turns to me and says…*

“Mommy. That lady believes in the Tooth Fairy.”

“Seems like it. That’s pretty nice.”

(Looking around, concern apparent on her face) “She didn’t hear me, right?”

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January 15, 2017 (bedtime)

*Is is scared of a noise and doesn’t want me to leave her room tonight…*

“Babe, I think the sound is the dryer running. You know I put those felt ball things in there, so it makes that banging sound-”

“But don’t leave.”

“Okay, I’ll stay for a minute. How about a hug?”

“Well, even though your breath is stinky, I would like a hug. Okay, then.”

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