July 6, 2017, Bedtime

*Every night, right after I put Is to bed, we each pick three things that are fun to think about (so she’ll hopefully have good dreams), and say them on the monitor after final hugs & kisses…*

“Mommy! I’m first. Okay… playing Barbies today!”
“Nice. Um… how about your long, relaxing bath?”
“That was sooooo good! Making the car art at Rec today!”
“It is a fabulous car. Picking out your bracelet at the store.”
“Yes! Eating sorbet!”
“How about earlier today, when you told me that when you’re an astronaut, and you’ll be the first girl on the moon?”
“I love that one, Mommy. I’m going to have the best dreams ever.”

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June 28, 2017, first thing in the morning

*I’ve decided to go to college. It’s a bit weird, as I’m 48, but I guess there’s no time like the present? Anyway, this morning I was telling Dave how I scored on the practice Accuplacer tests I took last night, while Isobel was playing on the floor with her Hello Kitty stuff nearby…*

Me: “So, I got 100 percent on the reading comprehension, and 100 percent on the sentence structure… but twenty-seven percent on elementary algebra.”
Him: “Well, you knew you’d have trouble with that.”
Me: “Yeah…”
Isobel: “Mommy, what’s that, elementary algebra?”
Me: “It’s the math with the letters in it that makes me cry.”
Is: “Don’t worry, Mommy, I’ll help you! Do you know what four plus four is?”
Me: “Aw, thanks, Is! Yes, is it eight?”
Is: “Yes! Okay, what’s X plus X?”
Me: …
Dave: “You’re scaring mom…”
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June 18, 2017 *Father’s Day*

*We’re at the in-law’s for Father’s Day- after an afternoon of playing in the yard, Is runs in to use the bathroom and asks me to join her…*

“Just for a minute, Is, then you’re on your own…”
“I have to poo, though…”
“Yep, you can do that by yourself, babe, okay, I’m out.”
“No, stay! It’s Father’s Day! This is what YOU get for Father’s Day!”
“What, poo? That’s great. Oh my god, the smell. Is, I’m leaving…”
“Happy Father’s Day, Mommy!”
“Aaagghhhhh…”

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April 25, 2017 (after a bath)

*Isobel wasn’t feeling well today- she had a stomachache and so stayed home from school. I gave her a bath after lunch, hoping it might make her feel better. She went to get dressed, and came back for me to finish drying her hair wearing a matching underwear set, a short royal blue fake fur sparkle vest, thigh high pink cheetah-print socks, and the gloves left over from her Blue Meanie Halloween costume. She was also wearing the pink beaded eyeglass chain she found at a yard sale this weekend, making her look like a tiny, eccentric librarian.*

“Hey, Is, how come you aren’t wearing pants?”

“Well… the pants fairy told me not to wear pants today.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay then, we don’t want to tussle with the pants fairy.”

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Thursday, March 31

*Isobel has an earache and is home from school. We curl up together with a big box of tissues and cuddle- then she says she wants to talk. I ask what she’d like to discuss, and she says…*

“Mommy. What can we make that isn’t made but we can use?”

“Like inventions?”

“Yeah, inventions.”

“Okay, Do you have an idea? You start.”

“Ummmm…. okay. What about tissues that fly around and come to blow your nose and then shoot into the garbage when they’re all snotty… like remote control tissues.”

“That’s an excellent idea. You should totally invent it.”

“What about you? Do you have an idea?”

“Yes. Socks that run themselves into the laundry basket when they get dirty.”

“Oooh, that’s a really good one!”

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March 13, 2017

*I’m cooking dinner, when…*

“Mommy, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Can you turn the clock to tomorrow and it’ll be tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, clocks only measure time, they don’t have anything to do with how time progresses. They just are helpful so you know what time it is… like I look at the clock so I know after an hour, it’s time to take the lid off the pot in the oven, and put the vegetables in, see? Or when we look at the clock every morning so we make sure you get to school on time. Time is what happens because the earth is always spinning.”

“But, what if I got a big rope to spin it faster?”

“That might work. Do you have a big rope?”

*Is goes running into the porch, where Dad is trying to finish his coffee…*

“Daddy! Can we go get a rope?”

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March 8, 2017 (dinnertime)

*Is, finishing dinner…*

“Mommy, can we play a game after dinner? I had a bad and boring day.”

“Um, sure, finish up and there’s still time before bed. What do you mean, your whole day was bad? And boring?”

“Well, I didn’t get to play any games. We played outside in school twice, but no games.”

“Huh. Sorry you had such a terrible, horrible, gameless day. What game do you want to play? Suspend, or maybe a card game…?”

“Hey, what if we made a new game? How about if we play Candy Land… but with fried chicken?”

“Sounds good to me! Might get a little smelly and greasy…”

“Fried Chicken Candy Land!”

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February 20, 2017 (dinnertime)

*I just had my other hip replaced last week. As I’m not up to cooking yet,  Dave, Isobel’s dad, made his specialty- pancakes for dinner. They were a big hit; nobody had to remind Is to eat her dinner tonight! She wolfed down three pancakes and was halfway through her second helping when… *

“I feel happiness flowing through my body.”

“That’s really nice, Is.”

“It’s the pancakes.”

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February 1, 2017

*Is gets two or three pages of homework every day (except Fridays), and once a month the teachers send home a new Sight Words sheet. We put that sheet up on the fridge after we work on reading the words together. But after we do the words, Isobel and I take turns making up little stories that use all the words in order, the sillier the better. I like to start my stories with, ‘It was a dark and stormy night…’

Today, the first sight word was ‘she’. We didn’t get much further than that, because…*

“She was a dark and stormy night…”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA! Isobel, that’s hilarious.”

“I’m not done, Mommy.”

“Dude, sorry. Please continue.”

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January 30, 2017 (after dinner)

*Our dishwasher is broken. The repair guy is supposed to come tomorrow with a new pump… ’til then, I’m on my own. I’ve washed four sinkfuls of dishes today alone- not a big deal, but enough to make me not want to wash many more dishes tonight. I put my big pan in the sink to soak, full of hot, soapy, greasy water. We had a friend over for dinner, and while Isobel was still finishing, I went into the kitchen to put my dish in the sink, and run more hot water in the pan. To my surprise and slight dismay, someone had tossed a dish in the sink, slopping greasy, sudsy water all over the counter, floor, and down the front of the dishwasher and cabinets. Normally this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I just had my hip replaced two months ago and am not quite back up to snuff yet. I went back to the porch and said to the boys…*

“I don’t care which one of you did it, but I am NOT cleaning up the mess by the sink. Please go take care of it.”

*I sat back next to Isobel, who was still eating her broccoli. She asked me what happened, so I explained. And with a knowing nod and slight shrug, she looked right at me, and with a perfectly straight face, said…*

“Boys.”

I laughed so hard I nearly fell off the chair.

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