May 11, 2017

*After school, Is usually has a snack and watches something on her iPad, then does her homework. Today, she’s watching a show called ‘The Annoying Orange.’ I don’t always let her watch this one, but today’s episode seemed harmless. I was wrong, of course. They’re telling jokes about Uranus and pooping… and this leads to questions…*

“Mommy. What’s funny about Uranus?”
“Well, it’s the name of a planet, U-R-A-N-U-S, but it’s also the proper name for the end of your large intestine, where the poop comes out, that’s your anus. A-N-U-S. So, it can be funny when you confuse them is a joke, see?”
“Oh. So Uranus is a planet?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm. Does it poop?”
“Uh…”

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Saturday, April 22, 2017

*I recently had both my hips replaced, and so I keep a long-handled shoehorn with a dressing hook on one end to help me get dressed right after the surgeries. It’s still hanging in the bathroom. Is saw it today and grabbed it, deciding it’s time to play Shepherd…*

“Mommy, I’m a shepherd, and this is my hook thing.”
“It’s called a crook, what the shepherds use…”
“Oh, okay. This is my crook.”
“Do you know what shepherds use it for?”
“Um… putting on their socks?”

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Thursday, March 31

*Isobel has an earache and is home from school. We curl up together with a big box of tissues and cuddle- then she says she wants to talk. I ask what she’d like to discuss, and she says…*

“Mommy. What can we make that isn’t made but we can use?”

“Like inventions?”

“Yeah, inventions.”

“Okay, Do you have an idea? You start.”

“Ummmm…. okay. What about tissues that fly around and come to blow your nose and then shoot into the garbage when they’re all snotty… like remote control tissues.”

“That’s an excellent idea. You should totally invent it.”

“What about you? Do you have an idea?”

“Yes. Socks that run themselves into the laundry basket when they get dirty.”

“Oooh, that’s a really good one!”

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March 13, 2017

*I’m cooking dinner, when…*

“Mommy, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Can you turn the clock to tomorrow and it’ll be tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, clocks only measure time, they don’t have anything to do with how time progresses. They just are helpful so you know what time it is… like I look at the clock so I know after an hour, it’s time to take the lid off the pot in the oven, and put the vegetables in, see? Or when we look at the clock every morning so we make sure you get to school on time. Time is what happens because the earth is always spinning.”

“But, what if I got a big rope to spin it faster?”

“That might work. Do you have a big rope?”

*Is goes running into the porch, where Dad is trying to finish his coffee…*

“Daddy! Can we go get a rope?”

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March 12, 2017

*During dinner, Isobel explains the ‘Quiet Game’ to me…*

“Okay, Mommy, now, nobody talks, or makes any noise with their body, including your mouth, and whoever makes noise first loses. Okay?”

I signal that I understand. Silently. I’m already so good at this game!

Is continues to eat her dinner, looking up at me after every bite. I keep quiet… until she shakes her head and her hair brushes the plate of food…

“Is, watch your hair!”

“Hahaha, I win the Quiet Game! Mom, did you want to win?”

“Nah, I’m not really into winning.”

“Oh, are you into losing, then?”

“Haha! Uh, no, not really…”

“I’m super-duper into winning.”

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January 16, 2017

*After her swimming lesson at the gym today, I’m drying Isobel’s hair in the changing room. She turns and wiggles her loose tooth (her first!!!! OMFG!) at me, and points out the new space between her teeth. As she’s doing this, a woman who’s already changed and on her way out, walks by us, overhears our tooth conversation, and says..*

“Wow! I wonder what the Tooth Fairy brings these days?”

*Is turns to me and shrugs, then back to the woman and says…*

“I’m not sure, it’s my first loose tooth.”

“Well, when I was a kid, I think we got a quarter or something like that.”

*We briefly discuss inflation and its possible affect on the Tooth Fairy’s current payout plan. After the woman leaves, Is turns to me and says…*

“Mommy. That lady believes in the Tooth Fairy.”

“Seems like it. That’s pretty nice.”

(Looking around, concern apparent on her face) “She didn’t hear me, right?”

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January 12, 2017 (after school)

*We’ve been having some toilet issues in the house lately. It’s an older home, built in 1957, so the plumbing, while original copper, is still old and has taken quite a beating over the years. Isobel is afraid of flushing the toilet in the blue bathroom, because one time it backed up and overflowed. Right now, the toilet in the pink bathroom is taken apart, because it was leaking from the tank, so it’s in pieces on the floor ’til the plumber can come and fix it (and the ceiling in the basement, but that’s another project). Because the pink toilet is currently taken apart, the top is off the tank, and you can see the float and valve and stuff inside. She’s referring to the float, which looks just like a clown’s horn bulb! This kid notices EVERYTHING.

Today, I’m in the blue bathroom with Isobel, when a car horn beeps outside…*

“Mommy! What was that noise???”

“What? What do you think it was?”

“The toilet.”

“The toilet? No, it was a car horn, baby. Toilets don’t have horns.”

“Yes they do! I’ve seen it inside!”

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January 9, 2017-Past Bedtime (again)

*I think she’s sleeping. But I’m wrong.*

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“Can you give away a baby if you don’t want it?”

“Yep. It’s called adoption. If a woman has a baby and she can’t keep it, or take care of it, or maybe she doesn’t want it, she can give it to a family who does want the baby. Daddy and Aunt Lisa are both adopted.”

“Oh.”

“Is that it?”

“That’s a good way for boys to get a baby.”

“Sure, if a couple is two dads, they might want to adopt a baby, since they can’t have one of their own so easily.”

“That’s nice.”

“It’s more like wonderful. Good night, babe.”

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