July 21, snacktime

*Today, Isobel is watching Moana while I make her a snack. She’s working on a shelling a little bowl of peanuts and peeling an orange, while I make her a slice of toast with butter and jelly…*

“Wow, there’s a stingray that kills the chief’s mom… Awww…”
“Aww, that’s rough. They usually don’t kill people. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I got hugged by a stingray?”

*She turns to look at me, interest and concern on her face.*

“But did you die?”
“What? Ha, no, I didn’t die. I’m standing here making you a piece of toast, you weirdo. How could I be dead?”
“Oh.”
“So, no, I’m okay, I just got a hug, I didn’t get killed. Although they can kill you if they sting you. I didn’t get stung. See the difference?”
“Yes. They were all circling around her.”
“Oh, that sounds crazy. There was just one that hugged me.”
“How did it hug you?”
“Well, I was at Sea World, and I was at the pool where you can feed the rays, and I had a shrimp in my hand… and a little ray swam over my hand and took the shrimp at the same time a big ray swam over to eat it, but the big ray didn’t see the little ray, because their eyes are on top and their mouths are on the bottom… so I guess the big ray bit the little ray and the little ray ended up jumping up and the big ray must have been surprised and jumped out of the pool and landed on my chest.”
“Were you scared?”
“Not really, I didn’t have time to be scared; I was just as surprised as that ray was. I didn’t want it to get scratched by the buttons on my jacket- and I was trying to shove the thing back in the water, but it was so heavy and felt so weird, like cool, wet velvet sliding over muscle… and then I saw two Sea World workers running towards me from the other side of the pool, and they looked horrified… I shoved the thing back into the water just as they reached the pool. As I looked around for my friend to ask why he hadn’t helped me, I realized that everybody behind me had scattered, and I was all alone and also completely soaked from the stingray’s big hug.”
“That’s pretty funny.”
“I thought it was hilarious.”

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July 20, Lunchtime

*Isobel is watching Wile E. Coyote cartoons on her iPad during lunch today, and I mention to her that he was my very favorite of all the Bugs Bunny characters- it was always such a treat for me when the Coyote and Road Runner cartoons came on, since you never knew exactly what would be shown during the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies show on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. Especially since they were only on once a week… Anyway, we were talking about Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner when…*

“Mommy, who would you vote for, Coyote or Road Runner?”
“What, you mean to win?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’d vote for the Coyote.”
“What, why? I’d vote for the Road Runner!”
“But the Road Runner always wins. And everybody votes for the Road Runner. So I want Wile E. Coyote to win. He’s my favorite, anyway.”

*Is thinks about this for a minute. And then she nails me with her impeccable logic.*

“But, he wants to EAT the Road Runner.”
“Yes.”
“But if Wile E. Coyote wins, he would be the only character left.”
“Huh. I guess you’re right. I never thought about it that way before.”
“That wouldn’t be any fun, Mom.”
“You got me there, kid.”

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June 28, 2017, first thing in the morning

*I’ve decided to go to college. It’s a bit weird, as I’m 48, but I guess there’s no time like the present? Anyway, this morning I was telling Dave how I scored on the practice Accuplacer tests I took last night, while Isobel was playing on the floor with her Hello Kitty stuff nearby…*

Me: “So, I got 100 percent on the reading comprehension, and 100 percent on the sentence structure… but twenty-seven percent on elementary algebra.”
Him: “Well, you knew you’d have trouble with that.”
Me: “Yeah…”
Isobel: “Mommy, what’s that, elementary algebra?”
Me: “It’s the math with the letters in it that makes me cry.”
Is: “Don’t worry, Mommy, I’ll help you! Do you know what four plus four is?”
Me: “Aw, thanks, Is! Yes, is it eight?”
Is: “Yes! Okay, what’s X plus X?”
Me: …
Dave: “You’re scaring mom…”
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Monday, June 12, 2017

*My daughter, Isobel, has always been a very empathetic person. I don’t know if it’s because she’s spent so much time in the hospital and physical therapy due to corrective hip surgeries for her hip dysplasia, or because she just came that way.
Yesterday, she was sitting on my lap as I scrolled through my Facebook feed. A new post in one of my groups popped up- a woman had found a very sick and very tiny kitten on her run, picked him up, and carried him the four miles back home. She was asking for help finding a vet on a Sunday… Is was very concerned, as the kitten looked pretty rough. I showed her how to do some research on Google, and we sent information to the woman on the group, along with some supportive messages. A bunch of other people in the group (it’s a great group) also helped her, and she ended up taking the kitten to a veterinary college two hours away, updating us along their trip. The group also suggested that she start a GoFundMe for the vet bills, and we all rallied to help… it takes a village, right?
It looks like they’ll be able to save the kitten, whose name is Chance. Isobel was so happy, she danced around the kitchen and requested her current favorite song to dance to (Knock on Wood by Amii Stewart (I KNOW!))…
And so, the first thing Is says to me this morning when she pops out of bed at 5:43 is…*

“Mommy! How’s the kitten? Is there a new picture?”

https://www.gofundme.com/3x1eccw

May 11, 2017

*After school, Is usually has a snack and watches something on her iPad, then does her homework. Today, she’s watching a show called ‘The Annoying Orange.’ I don’t always let her watch this one, but today’s episode seemed harmless. I was wrong, of course. They’re telling jokes about Uranus and pooping… and this leads to questions…*

“Mommy. What’s funny about Uranus?”
“Well, it’s the name of a planet, U-R-A-N-U-S, but it’s also the proper name for the end of your large intestine, where the poop comes out, that’s your anus. A-N-U-S. So, it can be funny when you confuse them is a joke, see?”
“Oh. So Uranus is a planet?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm. Does it poop?”
“Uh…”

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Saturday, April 22, 2017

*I recently had both my hips replaced, and so I keep a long-handled shoehorn with a dressing hook on one end to help me get dressed right after the surgeries. It’s still hanging in the bathroom. Is saw it today and grabbed it, deciding it’s time to play Shepherd…*

“Mommy, I’m a shepherd, and this is my hook thing.”
“It’s called a crook, what the shepherds use…”
“Oh, okay. This is my crook.”
“Do you know what shepherds use it for?”
“Um… putting on their socks?”

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Thursday, March 31

*Isobel has an earache and is home from school. We curl up together with a big box of tissues and cuddle- then she says she wants to talk. I ask what she’d like to discuss, and she says…*

“Mommy. What can we make that isn’t made but we can use?”

“Like inventions?”

“Yeah, inventions.”

“Okay, Do you have an idea? You start.”

“Ummmm…. okay. What about tissues that fly around and come to blow your nose and then shoot into the garbage when they’re all snotty… like remote control tissues.”

“That’s an excellent idea. You should totally invent it.”

“What about you? Do you have an idea?”

“Yes. Socks that run themselves into the laundry basket when they get dirty.”

“Oooh, that’s a really good one!”

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March 13, 2017

*I’m cooking dinner, when…*

“Mommy, I have a question.”

“Okay.”

“Can you turn the clock to tomorrow and it’ll be tomorrow?”

“Uh, no. No, clocks only measure time, they don’t have anything to do with how time progresses. They just are helpful so you know what time it is… like I look at the clock so I know after an hour, it’s time to take the lid off the pot in the oven, and put the vegetables in, see? Or when we look at the clock every morning so we make sure you get to school on time. Time is what happens because the earth is always spinning.”

“But, what if I got a big rope to spin it faster?”

“That might work. Do you have a big rope?”

*Is goes running into the porch, where Dad is trying to finish his coffee…*

“Daddy! Can we go get a rope?”

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March 12, 2017

*During dinner, Isobel explains the ‘Quiet Game’ to me…*

“Okay, Mommy, now, nobody talks, or makes any noise with their body, including your mouth, and whoever makes noise first loses. Okay?”

I signal that I understand. Silently. I’m already so good at this game!

Is continues to eat her dinner, looking up at me after every bite. I keep quiet… until she shakes her head and her hair brushes the plate of food…

“Is, watch your hair!”

“Hahaha, I win the Quiet Game! Mom, did you want to win?”

“Nah, I’m not really into winning.”

“Oh, are you into losing, then?”

“Haha! Uh, no, not really…”

“I’m super-duper into winning.”

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January 16, 2017

*After her swimming lesson at the gym today, I’m drying Isobel’s hair in the changing room. She turns and wiggles her loose tooth (her first!!!! OMFG!) at me, and points out the new space between her teeth. As she’s doing this, a woman who’s already changed and on her way out, walks by us, overhears our tooth conversation, and says..*

“Wow! I wonder what the Tooth Fairy brings these days?”

*Is turns to me and shrugs, then back to the woman and says…*

“I’m not sure, it’s my first loose tooth.”

“Well, when I was a kid, I think we got a quarter or something like that.”

*We briefly discuss inflation and its possible affect on the Tooth Fairy’s current payout plan. After the woman leaves, Is turns to me and says…*

“Mommy. That lady believes in the Tooth Fairy.”

“Seems like it. That’s pretty nice.”

(Looking around, concern apparent on her face) “She didn’t hear me, right?”

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