Monday, July 24

*Is has been going to Recreation every day for a month- it’s sort of half a day camp at the school. They do fun stuff like games and shows, and they’ve had bouncy houses and a water slide… today they were supposed to do ‘Fun With Food.’ It’s their last week…*

“Mommy! Today is ‘Fun With Food!’
“That does sound like fun! What do you think you’re gonna do?”
“I don’t know. Throw coconuts?”
“…”

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July 21, snacktime

*Today, Isobel is watching Moana while I make her a snack. She’s working on a shelling a little bowl of peanuts and peeling an orange, while I make her a slice of toast with butter and jelly…*

“Wow, there’s a stingray that kills the chief’s mom… Awww…”
“Aww, that’s rough. They usually don’t kill people. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I got hugged by a stingray?”

*She turns to look at me, interest and concern on her face.*

“But did you die?”
“What? Ha, no, I didn’t die. I’m standing here making you a piece of toast, you weirdo. How could I be dead?”
“Oh.”
“So, no, I’m okay, I just got a hug, I didn’t get killed. Although they can kill you if they sting you. I didn’t get stung. See the difference?”
“Yes. They were all circling around her.”
“Oh, that sounds crazy. There was just one that hugged me.”
“How did it hug you?”
“Well, I was at Sea World, and I was at the pool where you can feed the rays, and I had a shrimp in my hand… and a little ray swam over my hand and took the shrimp at the same time a big ray swam over to eat it, but the big ray didn’t see the little ray, because their eyes are on top and their mouths are on the bottom… so I guess the big ray bit the little ray and the little ray ended up jumping up and the big ray must have been surprised and jumped out of the pool and landed on my chest.”
“Were you scared?”
“Not really, I didn’t have time to be scared; I was just as surprised as that ray was. I didn’t want it to get scratched by the buttons on my jacket- and I was trying to shove the thing back in the water, but it was so heavy and felt so weird, like cool, wet velvet sliding over muscle… and then I saw two Sea World workers running towards me from the other side of the pool, and they looked horrified… I shoved the thing back into the water just as they reached the pool. As I looked around for my friend to ask why he hadn’t helped me, I realized that everybody behind me had scattered, and I was all alone and also completely soaked from the stingray’s big hug.”
“That’s pretty funny.”
“I thought it was hilarious.”

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July 20, Lunchtime

*Isobel is watching Wile E. Coyote cartoons on her iPad during lunch today, and I mention to her that he was my very favorite of all the Bugs Bunny characters- it was always such a treat for me when the Coyote and Road Runner cartoons came on, since you never knew exactly what would be shown during the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies show on Saturday mornings when I was a kid. Especially since they were only on once a week… Anyway, we were talking about Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner when…*

“Mommy, who would you vote for, Coyote or Road Runner?”
“What, you mean to win?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’d vote for the Coyote.”
“What, why? I’d vote for the Road Runner!”
“But the Road Runner always wins. And everybody votes for the Road Runner. So I want Wile E. Coyote to win. He’s my favorite, anyway.”

*Is thinks about this for a minute. And then she nails me with her impeccable logic.*

“But, he wants to EAT the Road Runner.”
“Yes.”
“But if Wile E. Coyote wins, he would be the only character left.”
“Huh. I guess you’re right. I never thought about it that way before.”
“That wouldn’t be any fun, Mom.”
“You got me there, kid.”

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July 6, 2017, Bedtime

*Every night, right after I put Is to bed, we each pick three things that are fun to think about (so she’ll hopefully have good dreams), and say them on the monitor after final hugs & kisses…*

“Mommy! I’m first. Okay… playing Barbies today!”
“Nice. Um… how about your long, relaxing bath?”
“That was sooooo good! Making the car art at Rec today!”
“It is a fabulous car. Picking out your bracelet at the store.”
“Yes! Eating sorbet!”
“How about earlier today, when you told me that when you’re an astronaut, and you’ll be the first girl on the moon?”
“I love that one, Mommy. I’m going to have the best dreams ever.”

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June 28, 2017, first thing in the morning

*I’ve decided to go to college. It’s a bit weird, as I’m 48, but I guess there’s no time like the present? Anyway, this morning I was telling Dave how I scored on the practice Accuplacer tests I took last night, while Isobel was playing on the floor with her Hello Kitty stuff nearby…*

Me: “So, I got 100 percent on the reading comprehension, and 100 percent on the sentence structure… but twenty-seven percent on elementary algebra.”
Him: “Well, you knew you’d have trouble with that.”
Me: “Yeah…”
Isobel: “Mommy, what’s that, elementary algebra?”
Me: “It’s the math with the letters in it that makes me cry.”
Is: “Don’t worry, Mommy, I’ll help you! Do you know what four plus four is?”
Me: “Aw, thanks, Is! Yes, is it eight?”
Is: “Yes! Okay, what’s X plus X?”
Me: …
Dave: “You’re scaring mom…”
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June 18, 2017 *Father’s Day*

*We’re at the in-law’s for Father’s Day- after an afternoon of playing in the yard, Is runs in to use the bathroom and asks me to join her…*

“Just for a minute, Is, then you’re on your own…”
“I have to poo, though…”
“Yep, you can do that by yourself, babe, okay, I’m out.”
“No, stay! It’s Father’s Day! This is what YOU get for Father’s Day!”
“What, poo? That’s great. Oh my god, the smell. Is, I’m leaving…”
“Happy Father’s Day, Mommy!”
“Aaagghhhhh…”

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June 9, 2017- socks again.

*At dinner, Isobel is telling Vaughan and Daddy about the magic flying socks she’s invented. Vaughan is trying to follow her story…*

“See, the socks fly off my feet, then they go down the basement stairs, then they get in the um, washer, and then they get into the dryer, and then they get all folded up nice, and fly back up the stairs, and land perfectly in my drawer! Isn’t that great?”

Vaughan gets a sort of glazed-over look and takes a sip of his drink, apparently considering the magic socks.

Dad says, “You mean Mom?”

*That’s right- I am the magic behind the socks.*

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May 11, 2017

*After school, Is usually has a snack and watches something on her iPad, then does her homework. Today, she’s watching a show called ‘The Annoying Orange.’ I don’t always let her watch this one, but today’s episode seemed harmless. I was wrong, of course. They’re telling jokes about Uranus and pooping… and this leads to questions…*

“Mommy. What’s funny about Uranus?”
“Well, it’s the name of a planet, U-R-A-N-U-S, but it’s also the proper name for the end of your large intestine, where the poop comes out, that’s your anus. A-N-U-S. So, it can be funny when you confuse them is a joke, see?”
“Oh. So Uranus is a planet?”
“Yes.”
“Hmm. Does it poop?”
“Uh…”

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April 25, 2017 (after a bath)

*Isobel wasn’t feeling well today- she had a stomachache and so stayed home from school. I gave her a bath after lunch, hoping it might make her feel better. She went to get dressed, and came back for me to finish drying her hair wearing a matching underwear set, a short royal blue fake fur sparkle vest, thigh high pink cheetah-print socks, and the gloves left over from her Blue Meanie Halloween costume. She was also wearing the pink beaded eyeglass chain she found at a yard sale this weekend, making her look like a tiny, eccentric librarian.*

“Hey, Is, how come you aren’t wearing pants?”

“Well… the pants fairy told me not to wear pants today.”

“Oh, well, that’s okay then, we don’t want to tussle with the pants fairy.”

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April 24, 2017

*Yesterday, I took Isobel to the park. She was happy she found a friend from school to play with for a while- they had to leave before we did, and so Is went on an ‘acorn hunt’, filling my pockets with acorns she found amid the wood chips. When we got home, she wanted to wash them, so I gave her a bowl and some water to work with while I started dinner. She wandered away for a bit, and when she came back, I noticed the bowl was full of suds.*

“Mom! I added soap to the acorns, so they’ll be really clean!”
“Uh…”
“Wasn’t that smart? These are probably the cleanest acorns in the whole world right now.”
“Yep, pretty smart. And I bet you’re right. Well, let me know when you’re done and you can rinse them in this colander to get all the soap off.”
“Okay, Mommy…”

*She continues to work on the acorns for a bit, then we rinse them in the kitchen sink. Then she runs off and comes back with two hand towels, so she can dry them with one and then arrange them neatly on the other. I’m still cooking, so my back is to her as she works at the kitchen table. Then I hear the screen door opening.*

“Whatcha doin’, Is?”
“I’m throwing the acorns out for the squirrels!”
“The ones you just spent half an hour washing?”
“Yes! I wouldn’t want them to have to eat dirty acorns.”

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